Holiday - Celebrate

My mom is gone a little over 4 months.  Everyone is very loving and sensitive worrying how holidays are for me - especially the first "year" of holidays.

Holidays are not as difficult as Mondays.  Tuesdays can suck too.  Oh yes, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday - can make me sad.  I am not despondent sad.  I haven't been - propbably because the last four months of her life was so horrible for me.  I just miss telling my mom about the minutia.  The minutia - that are my kids - 4.5 and 6.5.  Well, when I say it like that - it's not minutia.

We sent out our holiday cards.  They really are thew cutest thing you ever saw in your life.  What makes me sad, is my mom hasn't called to tell me yet.  I am waiting.  Phone ain't ringing.  It's a Wednesday.  My mom would gvell over my little stories of my boys to know end.  If I sent her a photo she would immediately print it out.  God knows how much color ink she went through.  Me, I get pissed when I print out anything in color - even inadvertantly.

So, I miss my mom and I am going to turn to my blog - which I don't really spend much time on.  But, I think I am going to try to share the minutia with my mom this way.  I share it all with my dad, and man I love him - but it's not the same.  He called first thing to tell me how he loved the card,. but it wasn't my mom on the other end.  Although, on my cell phone, their numbers are still in under "mom."  I have no desire to change that. 

I don't talk about missing my mom so much.  It's not that I don't miss her. but I guess I am accepting of how sick she was and the pain she was in and this was the next step.  I try to keep her alive for my kids.  My older one told me that every time he thinks of Florida he thinks of my mom.  He seemed scared to tell me that.  I told him he can talk about Grandma Florida as much as he wants.  I couldn't bring myself to donate a couple of litle board books she bought for them what seems like forever ago.  One is a Dr. Seuss, and the other A Crack in the Track (Thomas).  I want my boys to know she bought these for them.  She crocheted the baby yalmulka the older one had at his bris.  I keep it in his drawer - I get warm every time I put his underwear away.  It actually make putting away laundry a little sweeter...

Wednesday can be tough.